It can be hard to get hard

Work kept you busy all week and the kids needed you for soccer practice, the piano recital, and Jiu Jitsu. Plus, your in-laws came for the weekend and they seem to never want to leave!  But after all of that you finally have a little time alone with each other and even better you are both really in the mood to make love. 

Or are you?  She is ready to go but apparently your little guy doesn’t want to show up!  Your penis is not getting hard quickly.  

Has this happened to you?  If so, don't worry. It’s happened to most men. You’re pretty normal. In fact worrying about it will only make it worse. 

Men have often been thought of as the aggressors when it comes to sex. Men pursue women and are “strong like bull!” But that’s a stigma that needs to be done away with forever. Just like women, men need the right mental and physical stimulation to achieve sexual pleasure.  

Here’s some reasons why men don’t get as hard as they would like.

Men can be intimidated by the moment

Sex requires men to perform. Men also want to perform well. Most men care about their partners reaching climax and it is very disappointing when they see them not orgasming.  Men want to bring an abundance of pleasure to the bedroom and that desire can cause the penis to be shy. It’s scary to fail. 

Men are self conscious

Men can feel just as self conscious as women when it comes to getting naked. So many thoughts run through a man’s head when it’s time to make love. Does she found me attractive? Am I as good as her previous lovers? How do I compare? What about the actual penis? Will a man’s penis be big enough for his lover? Men are often plagued with thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and concern over the size of their penises. Men also struggle with body image and body dysmorphia. A man, just like a woman does not want to disappoint their lover. 

Men drink too much and eat the wrong things

Because life is so busy, it is easy to have one too many cocktails here and there to go along with fast food and pizza. The penis, as you well know, needs a healthy blood flow and a healthy body to perform optimally.  

Men get older


Our bodies change as we get older. For men, age and body transitions can show up at the wrong time.  As couples get older their sex life can often change and transition as well. It takes time to figure that out in and out of the bedroom. 


Porn can set up unrealistic images of what sex is like or should be for a couple.  Also if men are watching a lot of porn it desensitizes the brain and makes real life sex less enjoyable. Porn is sex without responsibility or real care and passion. It is just sex and that can cause our brains to perceive our partner incorrectly. 

These are just a few of the issues that men face when wanting to have strong erections for sex.  Most often the path to fixing this problem is communication with each other and trying new things.   Worrying or over thinking the moment can lead to more problems.   

If you’re having erection issues then try something new.  Exercise, changing your diet, removing porn habits, and talking with a doctor can all help improve erections. Also try sex toys! We have a lot of sex toys at Marriage Supply. Our cock rings often help men maintain erection and even vibrate and add more pleasure to lovemaking. We have a lot to choose from but our Under Control vibrating cock ring not only helps maintain erections but it has remote controlled vibrations that feel great for him and her. But again the key component is acknowledging what’s going on and talking about it.  

If you or your partner is struggling to have firm erections then talk with each other. See if it’s caused by something emotional or mentally challenging.  After that it could be a good opportunity to speak with your doctor or a professional about how you could achieve stronger and more firm erections. 

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